This is my present. The future exists only as an undefined, hazy and diffused light. That's how I see the future. But I have acquired, since I was exposed to the Primordial Light, what I called "Primum Lumen", greater attention to what is luminescent, to what produces light.
I associate light with silence, because light has neither sound nor matter.
I think we live in a noisy world, with more noise than sounds, so silence becomes imperative. The serene silence, the silence operates the reunion with us. Only we exist individually.
When thinking about this, memory takes me to the time when I was aware that I was western in Macau and eastern in the West. This is what I call my way of being Macanese, of exercising myself (this cultural duplicity), of these two looks that have led me and lead to a natural difference of being that I feel in relation to the environment in which, at each moment, I exist.
What do I do? I exist, quite simply.
That is, I try to live permanently, without the urgency of doing. Doing, creating, are no longer urgent for me. I do not feel the need to create, in the traditional concept, although existence, when empty, is the best space for creation.
Perhaps today I understand the elderly Portuguese on the garden bench looking at the void, as opposed to the elderly Chinese who practices Tai Qi and hears the bird singing in a cage.
I have, fortunately, where to sit in silence, and I have a beautiful Chinese cage, but I refuse to have a bird inside ...
To exist is to enjoy the silence to which I devote myself, it is to go through the time of each day, my mind vague, to be permeated by thoughts and ideas that may leave a trail for one day ...
Each of us lives. We are condemned to this loneliness, which does not support me, but gives me the space to breathe and then to be able to cohabit, speak, love.
I am still vaguely young, wisdom requires reflection, time for reflection, silence.
I look and see that I have always been a stranger or a foreigner in the places where I lived, because I always leaned to the opposite side, to find, perhaps, a deeper understanding. It is the interlacing of the fingers, the emptiness of the Yin welcoming the Yang fingers.
Did the light find me, or did I find the light here, in the early hours of 2006? There was an encounter, something sublime, perhaps even supernatural, alchemical. The definition does not matter when, at last, we think we understand the essence of things, the firmament on a wall, vibrations of energy, the light to speak.
But it's just a suspicion, nothing more ...
